The Transformative Power of Goodbye: Embracing Life's Farewells

Introduction: The Place Where We Get Stuck

Saying goodbye is often where we get stuck. Farewell experiences are rarely taught, modeled, or honored as part of life. What if I told you that you’ve been stuck there for nothing? What if goodbye was never the end but the beginning of a different kind of relationship, memory, and love?

What if goodbye is not the end but actually the beginning, a doorway inviting us to participate in life more fully? For years, I believed goodbye was something that happened to me. Now I understand it is something we are meant to participate in. Let me tell you why.

My First Real Goodbye Was Not a Great Farewell Experience

The first goodbye that truly shaped my life was my grandmother's. We called her Grann Do. I was only seven years old, but even at that age, I knew she mattered. I knew she loved me. More importantly, I knew how she made me feel as a person.

She taught me how to eat pen ak kafe (bread and coffee). You dip the bread into the coffee, let it soak just enough, then eat it slowly. It was practical, yes, so a child wouldn’t choke, but it was also care. Especially when peanut butter was added. Love has a flavor. I learned that early.

She also taught me how to sit with life. When it rained, she would sit under the galri, watching the rainfall. I would sit next to her, saying nothing, learning everything. It took me years to truly say goodbye to her.

As a child, I didn’t know how to express grief. I stayed quiet. I stayed in my room. Over time, I developed ways to cope with loss and absence. Some healthy, some not.

Losing More Than One Person

Then there was my aunt. I called her Mom. She wasn’t just someone who loved me; she showed me love. Every afternoon after school, I would sit between her legs while she combed my hair exactly the way I liked it. I didn’t want anyone else to touch my hair. When she did it, I felt pretty. I felt chosen. I felt like a princess.

She made my dresses by hand. My favorite home outfit came from her. I wore it, washed it, and wore it again until one day it disappeared because I had outgrown it. The day I lost her, I didn’t lose an aunt. I lost a second mother.

The losses that came after were just as shocking. Each time, I struggled to find my way back. I would fall into long periods that looked like depression and anxiety. I lost sleep. Furthermore, I lost hair. I lost parts of myself.

The Question That Changed Everything

One day, I asked myself a different question: Why is it so difficult to let them go? They didn’t abandon me. They continued their journey. So why did their journey hurt me so deeply?

The answer was painful but honest. It wasn’t their leaving that destroyed me. It was everything that was left unsaid and undone. That realization changed everything.

Four Truths About Goodbye

Here are four things I learned slowly, painfully, and truthfully.

1. Losing Them Is Not the Worst Pain. Regret Is.

What keeps us stuck in grief is not death; it’s missed opportunities. Words we never spoke. Moments we postponed. Conflicts we protected with pride. When they leave, we realize those issues weren’t that big. The effort wasn’t that hard. A little more willingness. A little less ego.

2. The Better We Treat Them, the Easier It Is to Let Them Go.

When you can say, I showed up. I loved fully. I did my best; guilt loses its grip. Shame dissolves. And in their place comes peace—a quiet, honest peace.

3. It Is Their Journey, Not Ours, to Control.

We often make a loss about us—our pain, our timeline, our wish for “more time.” But each soul has its own path. Understanding this doesn’t erase grief, but it softens it. It gives grief meaning instead of resistance.

4. Enjoyment Is Everything.

What we don’t enjoy, we regret. “What if” can be the most violent sentence we tell ourselves. When it appears, all we can do is forgive ourselves, forgive them, and move forward in the best way we know how.

When Goodbye Becomes a Teacher

Saying goodbye is easier than we think once we understand what it asks of us. And here’s the truth we all share, whether we like it or not: Goodbyes will come. They will show up uninvited. And they will serve a purpose, whether we understand it at the time or not.

So celebrate life while there is still life. Say the things. Do the things. Be present. Trust me when I say this: You will never regret loving fully while you had the chance.

Sometimes, goodbye isn’t the end. Sometimes, it’s the moment life asks us to finally say hello to love, to presence, to truth.

Let us help you say goodbye the proper way Form | Orpaz.

With love,

Deborah